Throughout our lives we are often forced to put aside things, sometimes because we do not believe we can devote the time they require, sometimes for health reasons and sometimes simply because we think that we do not want to continue doing them anymore, that we no longer have reason to do so. This happens, it happens to all of us and it happens to us every day.
Sometimes it is an easy decision to take, some not so much, but we believe it is the right one, and sometimes we take it even though we are aware of how much we are going to regret it. But, well, life is like that. We cannot have everything, we cannot anguish ourselves for what we let escape; instead we should appreciate what is still within our reach.
However there are times that everything is a slightly more complicated. There are times when it is not hard for us to make the decision, but even though we think it is the right one something within us says it’s not true. There are times that in the depths of our heart we regret it, there are times that somewhere in our subconscious we deeply regret it. There are times when we miss something so much that we are not aware of it, because it would hurt us.
I’m not talking lightly, no. I’m talking about something that has touched me full; I’m talking about something that I’ve lived in the first person. I’m talking about “the art of missing”.
I’m talking about that feeling that gripped me when I went back to fencing. I’m talking about how I was able to perfectly remember every detail of my past workouts. I’m talking about the way my feet moved as if I’d never stopped fencing. I’m talking about how my arm felt complete again when I held the sword again. I’m talking about the nostalgia with which I look at the small bruises on my body.
I missed it and I did not know it, I missed it so much that I had to hold back tears when I became aware of it, when all those strong emotions came to me at once.
I missed those graceful, graceful movements; I missed that power and speed, and at the same time that flexibility; I missed that extreme concentration and reaction rate. I missed seeing people practicing fencing, but above all, I missed doing it myself.